The day before Motherhood

We have made it to the end of pregnancy. Tomorrow we will meet our little precious baby and I will be a mother and Jordan will be a father. All of the stress, tears, excitement, sleepless nights, blood sugar swings, hospital visits and endless waiting rooms end tomorrow. Except they don't end. They are just beginning. I am both elated and terrified at the prospect of being a mom starting tomorrow. It doesn't help that as of this minute, I am not sure if we will be having a C-section or a labor induction. All I know is that they baby is still breech and I am to keep my blood sugar steady while not eating anything from midnight tonight until the birth of our baby. I just keep telling myself that we can do this. That God can do this. We have kept my blood sugar in amazing control by the grace of God for 9 entire months, we can keep it up for just one more day, and then thousands of days after that...

As I am preparing for my last prenatal appointment and non-stress test this morning, I can't help but realize that this moment and the events of tomorrow are the very events that I have been anticipating, worrying about and learning to trust the Lord with for nearly the last 10 years. Since my diagnosis with Type 1 Diabetes, there has always been a vague gray area around the issue of having children. I have heard many different opinions from many different doctors, have researched online countless hours, have listened to many insensitive comments from acquaintances and have spent years of my life begging the Lord for a healthy baby of my own some day. Yet here we are, on the eve of our first child's birthday. We have been to the emergency room 4 times during this pregnancy, we have gone to 8 high risk OB appointments, had 10 ultrasounds, 6 endocrinologist appointments and 29 regular OB appointments. I assumed that the doctor's office would infiltrate every aspect of my life and I was right, but one thing I did not anticipate was looking forward to those appointments with eager anticipation. Every appointment meant that I received professional confirmation that the baby is alive and well and that I am already being the best mother that I can be.

It's been a long road with pregnancy, with diabetes, with learning to be a mother already and I know that there is still a long road ahead. It will be a beautiful, messy, terrifying and exhilarating journey. Starting tomorrow, diabetes won't be the only one who needs to be fed at 3AM, won't be my only worry or constant obsession. So here's to trusting the Lord at the fork in the road between a C-section and labor and here's to happy birthdays!