This past week we had the pleasure of announcing (finally) our pregnancy to co-workers and friends. While our family has known for many weeks, it feels good to finally be able to talk about our news and not have to hide it anymore! Which means I can now fill the world in on how my life has drastically changed in the last 12 weeks. Let's start with the basics. I am not really having morning sickness which is a HUGE blessing, especially with diabetes. I do, however, get quite queasy around 8:30pm every night until about 10pm. I have come to expect it and just use the time to watch some TV or go to bed early. I feel like I sleep and eat constantly. Supposedly, the little baby inside me, who is still somewhere between the size of a plum and a kiwi, is not using that much of my energy yet. Ha! I will be past my first trimester on Friday and I am so ready for the second trimester which brings more chances to see ultrasounds, feel the baby move and hopefully, less queasy feelings.
Thankfully, diabetes and pregnancy are getting along moderately well. I am constantly fighting low blood sugar at all times of the day and night, which only contributes to my constant eating even more. I will say that I am very anxious all the time about what my blood sugar is doing, how it is affecting the baby and how I can keep it even more under control. That little screen on my glucometer that beams those numbers that will ultimately hurt or help my baby is like oxygen to me. As I am working on completing my last semester of graduate school, I am also constantly calculating all sorts of numbers in my head to the point where I am even dreaming about testing my blood sugar. I likely test 15 times a day now just because I feel like it is the only way I can know that the baby is doing fine. I suppose I am getting a little neurotic about checking, but I suppose reassuring myself of the safety of my baby and myself is only a good thing. I am so blessed to have a team of doctors and nurses who are keeping a close eye on the baby's development and a husband who is diligent in helping me make this the easiest pregnancy that it can be. We just found out the schedule of doctor's visits for the next 6 months and I will say it is quite overwhelming. Somehow I am going to make it to two different doctor's offices once a month and a third doctor a few times in there as well. By week 26, I will be going to one of three doctors every other week (which means some appointment every week) and by week 30, I will be balancing 2 different doctors every week. And that is all if everything goes perfectly, if not, it will be even more visits, more needles, more waiting rooms and more co-pays. Bring it on.
So far, in the last 12 weeks, pregnancy has taught me so much. I now understand why mothers worry when they don't know how their children are doing. My baby is closer to me than my own skin and yet I still worry. I have learned to let go of the idea that I can control diabetes completely, control pregnancy and control my crazy emotions and appetite. I have never had to trust the Lord so completely and so wholly as I do now. Growing a baby inside me is also growing trust in my heart. I am trusting that every high or low blood sugar number is not going to hurt my baby, trusting that birth defects aren't going to happen and trusting that God can handle this so much better than I can. I am learning to let my body literally be a house of peace through Jesus. The baby needs peace and rest and trust. When I am not checking my blood sugar, I am praying for the baby and vis versa. I am ready to trust the Lord to get me and the baby safely through the next 6 months and to get us safely through the next 6 hours.
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