Overcoming

Tomorrow is my Overcoming Diabetes day. With all of God's strength and none of mine, I have been overcoming type 1 diabetes for 9 years now. We had some frozen yogurt and a special breakfast to celebrate overcoming diabetes for me and for baby. A lot has changed in the last 9 years, more specifically in the last 4 months. I now test my blood sugar 15-18 times a day, I can handle may foods that used to give me blood sugar issues and many foods that I used to do fine with are now causing troubles.

As I am sitting here typing this (at 2 PM) with the tail end of a 2 AM low-blood sugar migraine, 9 years seems so long. All of the needles, the doctor visits, complications, trips to the ER, worries and sleepless nights seem to stretch out forever behind me. What is more daunting is facing what the future holds with diabetes. This pregnancy has taught me that there really is such a tangible reward to maintaining good control. In the context of doing diabetes for baby, it's easy and it's not a burden. In the context of dealing with diabetes within our marriage, finances and my own sanity, sometimes it feels like a burden. My husband is amazing and has never made me feel like a burden, but I know that this disease affects every part of his life too. From halted spontaneity because of blood sugar issues to piles of medical bills, I am not the only one feeling the effects of diabetes at its maintenance. I am still learning everyday to give this burden to the Lord and not try to shoulder it myself. Already in being a mother, I can understand God's love more fully than I ever could before. I can handle diabetes and the extra sugar checks, doctor visits, bills, etc. for the baby's well being and I want nothing more than to keep that burden from harming my little one in any way. So in the same way, I can give my stress, worry and exhaustion to the Lord because He wants to take that burden away from me for the same reason I want to protect my child.

I am reminded on this day every year of the song that really resonates the emotions that come with battling a chronic disease. "I will praise you in this storm, I will lift my hands, for You are who You are, no matter where I am. Every tear I've cried, You hold in your hands, You've never left my side and though my heart is torn, I will praise You in this storm." That has been my theme song for the past 9 years when diabetes gets really rough. It's the song I hummed in my head on the way to the emergency room last week, the silent prayer I repeat over and over again when I just cannot seem to get my blood sugar in a safe range for the baby and the song I woke up with stuck in my throbbing head this morning at 2am. So here's to 9 more healthy, happy years of overcoming diabetes and learning to trust that I do not always have to hold it all together. I am determined to keep illness from ruining my fun, my family and my future!